I’ve never bought all the hype about January. The New Years Resolutions crew can keep it. More power to them. Because those who know, know. September is the real start to the year.
It’s the time to get your stationary in order. Throw out old clutter. And old habits too. Which is why I am absolutely thrilled to introduce you to a rule that has genuinely changed my social schedule. It’s weeded out engagements that were cluttering my diary, draining me and my wallet, leaving me with more time for real conversation with real friends (and also, almost as importantly, for real ‘me time’, recharging my batteries in peace).
The rule? 1:1:1. It stands for ‘one friend, one hour, one drink’. And it does what it says on the tin. You meet one friend, for one hour, and one drink. Simple, but generously miraculous in its impact. Let me explain.
What to read next
I love parties, I really do. As a professional chatterbox and nosey parker, I’m in my element probing the lives of strangers. In the spring and summer, that is. As the nights draw in and the cold sets in, they become increasingly less tempting. The prospect of schlepping across town, anywhere more than a 20 minute journey from my sofa in anything that doesn’t closely resemble pyjamas and/or a duvet becomes more and more exhausting to contemplate. In previous years, I’ve carried on accepting invitations, willfully and blindly ignoring this phenomenon, only to feel guilty for either dreading or (worse) cancelling plans.
An hour, on the other hand? That’s something I can commit to and look forward to, knowing I can still be in bed with a book by ten. It’s also short enough that you can make these dates quite frequent, allowing you to catch up with everyone important just… one by one. Which is really the crux of the thing. Spending an hour focusing properly one on one close friend is far more valuable, nourishing and meaningful than a whole evening spent chit chatting with a crowd (or worse, shouting over background noise).
Close personal relationships reduce the risk of loneliness and depression but robust studies also link them to higher self-esteem, better cognitive function and even improved physical health ( lowering your risk of coronary heart disease and stroke, for example).
It’s also proved good for my bank balance. As opposed to supper out, theatre tickets or even the flicks, one drink is also affordable. And if you’re only having one, you can also make it a really good one. Sip a single, great glass of wine over an hour I’ve found (as opposed to sinking several cheaper ones across an evening) and you’ll relish it (your headache and your accountant will too).
It may sound a bit rigid but in truth, It’s a flexible format. I’ve met friends for one coffee after the school drop off, one drink after work, even one take-away tea drunk on the dog walk. But it’s also brilliantly boundaried. If you invite someone out for a single drink the parameters are fixed. Once the drink is downed, you are both free to move on, without guilt, to the million other things that crowd your diary and demand your attention.
Recently, buoyed by my success with the rule, I’ve tried working in a third ‘one’ (making it 1:1:1:1). One subject. Sticking to one topic of conversation allows you to get really deep into a meaningful issue, a part of your friend’s life that transcends office gossip, neighbourhood planning applications and school gate dramas. I’ve spent an hour commiserating over care for sick and elderly parents, another listening hard to a friend’s experience of breast cancer treatment, and discovered another has a secret life as a life-drawing model (fascinating, definitely need to book in another hour to explore that). That said, a general ramble and gossip is also good for the soul.
So go on, do it. Book in an hour. You never know what you might discover (and you’ll definitely be home in time for Slow Horses).
