If you’re getting married soon, I feel for you, I really do. Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce’s Instagram engagement announcement has set the bar so high that it’s probably sent you into a meltdown, starting with a frantic Google search for ‘florists near me.’
Everything about it is perfect, isn’t it? The lorry loads of carefully-curated blooms and that casual flash of diamond-encrusted Cartier watch. The adoring way they’re gazing at each other. That cute, self-effacing caption: ‘Your English teacher and your gym teacher are getting married.’
Oh, and I haven’t even mentioned the ring, which is both timeless and understated and also features a rock that could be spotted from the Mars Rover. Even better, Mr Kelce actually designed it. You can almost hear every woman in her thirties yelling, 'WHY CAN’T YOU BE MORE LIKE TRAVIS?’ at their fiancé as they trawl grumpily through H Samuel’s.
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But what does this mean for us mere mortals? Are Taylor and Travis really changing the game, or if we’re all just engaging in a severe case of social media comparison?
As someone who’s been married for 28 years to a man who didn’t even buy me an engagement ring until our tenth anniversary, I thought I’d use my ‘wisdom’ to tackle some burning questions about engagement etiquette…
Q: How should you propose?
A: Once upon a time, marriage proposals were fumbling, wrong-footed affairs that involved prospective brides choking on rings hidden in puddings. The good news is that Taylor and Travis (Trayvis? Traylor?) are the most relatable millennials out there, despite their mind-boggling celebrity status. Apparently, Travis took Taylor for a humble glass of wine before dinner and asked her to marry him then. So, it looks like it’s still acceptable to bung a Cubic Zirconia from QVC in the Prosecco. Phew.
Q: Can you take your engagement ring back if you don’t like it?
A: Ouch! Okay so, let’s imagine that your fiancé didn’t have an army of assistants to guide their choices. Instead they asked their mum, their gran and the guy at the petrol station for their opinion and came up with a ring that wouldn’t look out of place on Rupaul’s Drag Race. Most high street jewellers have a returns policy, but terms and conditions can vary wildly.
Also, from a legal standpoint, an engagement ring is what’s known as ‘a conditional gift’, which means that the person who bought it has the right to ask for it back. (And they very well might if you ask them for the receipt while they’re still down on one knee). If it’s really abominable, though, speak now or forever hold your peace. If your relationship is worth its salt, it can withstand an awkward return trip to Beaverbrooks.
What if they designed it themselves, though?
Ouch, AGAIN. Custom-made jewellery can only be returned if there’s a fault, but if you don’t like something your fiancé has spent time, care and attention on, there might be a fault in your relationship, too. Some differences are irreconcilable, so if you’re a pop-loving vintage diamond girlie and they present you with a Game of Thrones House of Stark Wolf ring, that might be a sign that your fiance isn’t your Travis, after all. Instead he’s Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons.
Q: Can you ever take your engagement ring off?
A: Of course you can. Engagement rings are precious but they’re not extensions of your actual body. Life will throw many things at you - washing up being one of them - so if you don’t want to chip your rock while scrubbing the lasagne off your Le Creuset, take it off and put it to the side. Taylor probably does the same, except instead of doing the dishes, she’s getting her hands dirty writing a song on the guitar about autumn.
Q: Should we have an engagement party?
A: If you don’t have celebrity spending power, chances are a small celebration at your local Wetherpoons will suffice. Remember, if you’re a millennial, you’ll still have to plan an elaborate 3-day hen weekend involving a villa, a spa retreat, pottery, horseriding, axe throwing and a superclub in Ibiza. Not to mention the wedding itself. And the honeymoon. And the baby shower. And the gender reveal party. The balloon arch bill alone will be in the thousands.
Q: What if I don’t have the budget for a ring at all?
A: ‘I like shiny things but I’d marry you with paper rings.’ Taylor once sang. Okay, so it turns out she’d prefer a diamond the size of the Hubble Telescope, but the thought’s there. Why not tear out a page from Harry Styles’ autobiography and make some yourself?
