Many of us will remember the moment last November when Davina McCall announced on Instagram that she was undergoing surgery to remove a benign brain tumour. While she put on a remarkably brave face, behind the scenes, her fears were very real. In an exclusive interview with Good Housekeeping, Davina opened up about facing the prospect of dying and the honest conversation she had with her partner Michael before going into surgery.
“I’ve been terrified of dying my whole life,” she says. “My mum died quite young [aged 62 in 2008], my dad died quite young [aged 77 in 2022] and my sister died very young [aged 50 in 2012].”
She explained how the days before the operation were incredibly confronting and made her consider things she’d never had to think about before. “I thought, ‘I have to come to terms with the fact that I might not make it, so what do I have to do to make that okay?’”
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She then had what she describes as “brilliant conversations about death” with her partner, Michael Douglas. “I had to let go of the outcome and be able to go to sleep without the abject horror of the idea of dying,” she says.
Davina has three grown-up children [Holly, Tilly and Chester] with her ex-husband, TV presenter Matthew Robertson, and one of those conversations, she revealed, centred around Michael’s involvement in their lives. “I said to Michael, “If I go, I really need you to keep plugged in to the kids and stay in their lives,’” she says.
Michael has known the whole family “since they were born” and he’s been Davina’s hairdresser for decades, the friendship only turning romantic after her divorce. “He used to come to the house and do our hair,” she explains.
“He’s part of our DNA. ‘We were both scared, but we were honest and told each other that. It made the whole thing less daunting, knowing that everything was out on the table. Michael made me an amazing playlist to listen to in hospital the night before the operation, including Coldplay’s One World and a Ram Dass guided meditation. I’ve listened to it every day since.”
Addressing how she broke the news to her children, she shared how she wrote them letters, which thankfully, they never had to actually read. “Michael and I just did a casual chat in the kitchen,” she explained.
“I said, ‘Look, we know what it is and we know where it is. It’s quite rare, but we’ve found somebody who’s done the operation before and he feels confident. I didn’t talk to them about dying, but I did write each of them a letter and I did my will. I thought, ‘You’re all great kids and you’ll all be fine if I don’t make it. Of course, I want to make it, but if I don’t, you’ll all turn out great.’’
Now, nine months on from her surgery, she’s stepping into a new chapter with courage, and a reclaimed sense of who she is. “I’ve talked myself down my entire life, told myself that I’m not smart. I flunked my maths A level – I was taking a lot of drugs back then and was very unhappy – and fed my mind negative messages,” she says.
“But as part of all this, I’ve had memory tests in verbal and non-verbal reasoning and I did really well. It shouldn’t have to take something like that, but I’ve realised I’m a lot smarter than I think.
“Now I don’t feel frightened of anything. I’m even retaking my maths A level next summer. If there’s something you’ve always wanted to do, and you can afford to do it now, f***ing do it."
Read the full interview in Good Housekeeping UK’s October issue, on sale now.
Birthing (HQ) by Davina McCall is out on Thursday 11th September. Stranded On Honeymoon Island is coming to BBC One and BBC iPlayer on Wednesday 3rd September at 9pm. Find Davina’s 5-Minute Move-It Challenge in the new issue of Good Housekeeping UK.
We have 15 copies of Davina’s book Birthing for GH VIP Members to win. To enter, visit ghmembers.co.uk.
